Over the past few weeks, my Miss 3 who only has eyes for her daddy (and elder brother at times) only wants her mummy!! Yay for me at the start as I made the most to soak up all the attention she was showering me with. I had to pull her up on her unfair behaviour towards the boys in the house, I coached her yet again on using her words and asking for space from others rather then resort to physical tactics to keep them away.
But after the initial honeymoon phase, It got harder and harder for me to do absolutely anything without constantly carrying her. I had to sit down after one night and form a mental response to this phase in my life since my older child never went through this. So this is what worked for me:
ACCEPTANCE-
I had to acknowledge that she wants me and only me. A part of me was aware that this is a phase and she will soon warm up to others in the household lol. But I had to stop coming up with tactics to ‘get away’ from her as it made her feel even more rejected. So each time she wanted me, I just sat with her, without anything on the stove, without looking at the clock, just sat down, with her in my lap.
MILK IT
I also had to remind myself to soak up all the attention that I was getting from her. Instead of seeing it as a hindrance, I reminded myself that it was a phase and probably won’t last long. And since recognising this I find myself indulging in the attention I get from her l, despite of what I could be doing at the time.
PLAN AND PREPARE
I was aware of her significant attachment towards me, at all times. I used this valuable piece of information to better plan the things I had a control of. I got the cooking and cleaning out of the way before she came home from Childcare, while she was resting on the weekends or after she went to bed. I ensured I set aside time with my elder child without her being around so he didn’t feel left out. I let go of some of the daily household things and accumulated them for when I had a Miss 3 free time.
SELF CARE
I engaged in small regular activities such as gymming or coffee on my own for example to get some alone time when I could. This gave me the quiet that I need to manage the chaos that I had gotten used to loving.
Though I am a superwoman like all other partnered and single mums out there, it was important to re-realise that saving the world wasn’t as important as providing my child with the attention and connection she needed from me.
Don’t:
Try and find particular causes or reasons for this: Sometimes a child just wants you and thats all there is to it. Find out reasons may lead you to particular solutions for this ‘problem’, creating more conflicts and dramas around the house.
Try and distract yourself or your child unless absolutely necessary for survival: Self explanatory. If your child recognises that you are trying to get ‘rid of her temporarily’ for something or God forbid someone else, it may make them feel insecure and hence react strongly.
Regret parenting (just yet!, wait till they are teenagers maybe?) – Like all stages of life and all ages of your child’s life, this phase is a part of their life. Don’t give into your negative thought patterns that can hint towards thoughts such as ‘this is it, I will never be able to breathe’!
If you are struggling with something similar and nothing seems to work, feel free to contact me and we can work on a plan together. Longer version of the article mentioning my recent struggle is available on the blog section of my website.